Tag Archives: shit

Fox alert!

I like chasing birds and cats and little dogs, but most of all I like to chase foxes. I did it once. We were walking through a field and there it was, a slender fox, right in front of me. In cases like this I do not hesitate: I was off full speed immediately. The fox saw me too (they are not stupid, you know) and started to run towards some bushes. In order to get there, it had to cross the path where we were walking. I sensed where it was going and I raced towards the bushes too, intercepting the fox on his way there. I missed him by half a nose length – he escaped in the prickly bushes. Men, he was fast!

It was the best chase I ever had.

I would love to get another chance of hunting fox. So you can imagine I was thrilled when we were walking in the dunes and there it was, a big fat fox. Just sitting there, in the sunlight.

Fox alert

I smelled it and my muscles started to tense. It was pretty far away and there was a hollow with some prickly bushes between us, so I had to think up a clever plan in order to make this hunt succeed. Then the fox did this:

Long walk 4

He arched his back to shit! This was a great opportunity for me, the moment to start the chase. You see: when one defecates, one is temporarily focussed on just that. One can not run and defecate at the same time. Every dog knows this. This was my chance to get close to the fox, he would never be able to outrun me.

But to my great misfortune M had me on a leash and would not let me go. I couldn’t believe she did not let me, I still can’t believe it. This could have been my one and only chance to chase a fox again! I am depressed, really depressed.

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My favorite pizza

I have given it a lot of thought and I have come to a conclusion: I know what my favorite pizza is. I thought especially about this topic during meditation.  I know I should let go of all my thoughts while meditating, but that is very hard with musings about pizza. So I decided I’d think it through once and for all and after I made up my mind about my favorite topping, I could stop thinking about it during meditation. And be ready to ’empty my mind’, whatever that is.

I am ready to reveal it now: my favorite pizza is a quattro stagioni. That means it consists of four toppings. One topping is a big fat juicy pigeon (dead, so it won’t fly away). The other one is fruit de mer, especially little crabs and some herring. The third topping is another real delicacy: cat poo (preferably fresh, but a few days old is no problem). The fourth piece of my favorite pizza is an even more craved for delicacy, very hard to find (which puzzles me, because there should be loads of it, considering the number of people): human poo.

Favorite pizza

When I told M about my favorite pizza topping, she made a face that probably means she will not make this one for me. She did tell me that I am presumably right in choosing these toppings, from a canine point of view. And that I could make some money if I would sell this pizza to all the dogs I know. Ha! She must be joking. Selling pizza, what a silly idea. I would never do that, I would eat them all!

 

No shit

Today I’d like to share with you something that is very close to me. As a dog, I put a lot of time and effort in it. I am proud to show you a fine specimen of this product, I made just a few hours ago:

A fine specimen of shit

But there is one thing that confuses me. M does not seem to appreciate the work I put into this. When I am busy marking the territory around it, to show other dogs where they can find my sublime creation, she is already putting a plastic bag over it. At first, I thought she wanted to keep it, or put it in a place where it gets more attention. But she walks to a garbage bin and throws it away!

I am so embarrassed by this. I mean: doesn’t she know how much effort it takes to make something this beautiful?

Sometimes I really do not understand humans.