On my late afternoon round we usually walk the same route. I get quite excited when we enter a certain street, because there is a cat living there. It is a particularly nasty one: she is very lazy and always gossiping about her human.
Unfortunately M keeps me on a leash on this walk, so I can’t catch the cat. But I always bark and growl to her and she scolds back – I won’t write what names she calls me, I suspect Wordpress will delete them as being inappropriate. But believe me, they are gruesome.
Yesterday it was very quiet in the street. I was on the lookout for her, but I did not smell her. It turned out she was hiding from me. Like a camouflage cat! But she did not mislead me, of course not. She may be as dark as the earth, I spotted her immediately. She was so lazy she didn’t even scold me. Which (frankly) was a disappointment…. because, you know, she teaches me new words I can use when I encounter very nasty dogs.
There are a lot of blogs about cats. Written by cat lovers, not by cats themselves, of course not. Cats are way to lazy to do anything, even blogging is too much work for them.
I notice that cat lovers write a lot of nice stuff about cats: how cute they are, how mysterious, how wise. Well, I’ll help you out a bit here, because you are misled. You may think your cat likes you and thinks deep thoughts all day, but the truth is: they are not. In real life, they complain and gossip about their humans, all day long.
We dogs know, because we understand cat language. That is why we don’t like cats (okay, it is one of the reasons) – it makes you depressed, just listening to them. Cats complain about their food (it is not tasty / never enough), their bed (it is not soft enough, it is too warm / cold / in the wrong place) and most of all: their human. If you think your cat is looking at you in a mysterious way, it is actually laughing you in the face. I never met a cat who liked her human. I have to admit that some dogs can overdo it, all this tail wagging and jumping up and down whenever they see their human, but cats are the ultra opposite. They are prissy, perky and some of them are downright malignant. The stories they tell about you are horrible! Like the stories in the tabloids, but much, much worse.
So, cat lovers: don’t let me stop you from posting all this tasty blogs and pictures of cats. I do like to read them. But at least you are warned, because now you know the real story.