Happy new year!

Humans do a lot of silly things. They have these festive days – not all about it is bad, because apparently festivities come with a lot of food. And presents, too! The white stuff I got as a Christmas gift did not last long, but I had a lot of fun with it, so that is okay.

Anyway, I was writing about the silly things humans do. Like today: they celebrate New Years Eve. In Holland they have a peculiar way of celebrating this. On our beach a huge pile of wood is made. It is enormous (look at the tiny humans on top of it!) :

Oud en nieuw

Tonight they will set it on fire and it will be seen for miles around. That is not all: they will make a lot of noise, too. The humans in Holland, I mean. Everyone can buy fireworks here (M told me this is different in other countries) and this is the stuff that is so noisy. It sounds like the hunt has begun, the hunt for something big and terrible.

Some dogs are terrified of these noises, but I am not. Hey, I am a cool dog! When they start making noise tonight, I will dive deep in my snoozebag, close my eyes shut and dream of something nice. Like hunting antelope in Arabia, like my predecessors, or eating sausages.

I think it is an odd thing to celebrate the start of a new year. Because, you know, every day is a new day, every day smells different. So when I go out tomorrow I will sniff the day, like I always do, and look forward to the adventures this new day will bring. But I will be polite to my human readers and wish them a happy new year, according to their custom. And to my canine readers: I wish you plenty of yummy food this evening, a good long sleep and fresh energy for all the adventures that the new day will bring!

 

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Present

Alas, I did not get any hair extensions this Christmas. The hairdresser told us she needs something to weave these extensions into, and the hair on my ears is too short. This was a big disappointment, it made me really sad. Now I will never have these beautiful Saluki ears! But this morning all turned out well, because I got a really big present! This is it:

Snow 2

When we woke up, all the world was white. I do not know how M managed this, but she can do miracles, sometimes. I am really pleased with this present! I jumped around and ran and ran and put my nose in the fluffy white stuff. Awesome!

Snow 1

Odd times

This is a silly time. The days are dark, the smell of food is in the air more than in any time of the year and humans stuff their houses with sticks adorned with odd looking, light emitting things. Normally we dogs are not allowed to take sticks into the house, but now humans do this themselves! Very odd.

Yesterday I met a dog who told me he had had a good time  with these special sticks, when he was home alone. He had a lot of fun with the trinkets and the tasty tree, before his humans got home and got very mad. We discussed that this is strange: how can you put something to play with in your house and not want your dog to play with it? That is just not fair. Besides, he told me the house looked much more cosy and festive with the trinkets (and the tree dissembled into manageable sticks) scattered through the living room. So his humans should be thankful, instead of angry!

We do not have these sticks in the house, but our neighbors do. Yesterday I heard their cat singing (well, yammering actually) through the walls: ‘oh christmas tree, oh christmas tree, your ornaments are history’. Then I heard a crash. I didn’t know cats play with sticks, too!

It is all right with me when humans behave odd. But they should leave us dogs out of it. The trouble is: they don’t. They appear to think we need some special attention too and with attention they do not mean things dogs like (like taking a long walk or gnawing a juicy bone), but things humans like. One thing is… they dress us, in stupid clothes! Throughout the year only chihuahuas have to stand being dressed up like little humans, but during winter times other dogs are victims, too.

I will tell you why it is NOT a good idea to dress your dog. We are not human, we have fur. That keeps us warm enough. We do not like clothing, it gives us a stuffy feeling and it itches. But, most important: dressing up your dog is killing for her image. If she will go out in that reindeer sweater you bought for her, the dogs in the neighborhood will never take her serious again. I know what I am talking about. When I was a puppy and living with my foster parents (before M and P adopted me), I was dressed up, too. It was minus ten degrees Celsius and I did not have enough hair to keep me warm in those days, coming out of Greece and all that. This is what it looked like:

Cardigan bubbles

Yes, it looked utterly ridiculous. I could do nothing about it at the time: I did show my teeth, but being so small they thought it looked ‘cute’ and dressed me up all the same. I am only sharing this with you to show how stupid clothes look on a dog. I did not care much about image building in those days, just arriving from Greece and looking for a home I had other worries. But now I live in a new place, with a proper home, I would never wear something like this. It would be killing for my image with the cool dogs in the neighborhood.

So if this Christmas (that is what these silly days are called) your human gives you clothes for a present, make him/her very clear you do not appreciate it. Tear them apart immediately. Pee on them. Give them to the cat. I for myself am sure M would never give me clothes. I am hoping to get hair extensions, for my ears!

 

My favorite pizza

I have given it a lot of thought and I have come to a conclusion: I know what my favorite pizza is. I thought especially about this topic during meditation.  I know I should let go of all my thoughts while meditating, but that is very hard with musings about pizza. So I decided I’d think it through once and for all and after I made up my mind about my favorite topping, I could stop thinking about it during meditation. And be ready to ’empty my mind’, whatever that is.

I am ready to reveal it now: my favorite pizza is a quattro stagioni. That means it consists of four toppings. One topping is a big fat juicy pigeon (dead, so it won’t fly away). The other one is fruit de mer, especially little crabs and some herring. The third topping is another real delicacy: cat poo (preferably fresh, but a few days old is no problem). The fourth piece of my favorite pizza is an even more craved for delicacy, very hard to find (which puzzles me, because there should be loads of it, considering the number of people): human poo.

Favorite pizza

When I told M about my favorite pizza topping, she made a face that probably means she will not make this one for me. She did tell me that I am presumably right in choosing these toppings, from a canine point of view. And that I could make some money if I would sell this pizza to all the dogs I know. Ha! She must be joking. Selling pizza, what a silly idea. I would never do that, I would eat them all!

 

Wonderful winter walk

We had a wonderful winter walk this morning. The weather was fine, nice and sunny. In the shadowy spots the ground was still frozen, but where the sun had warmed the earth the ice had melted away. Which is good, because one can’t smell a lot on frozen things, even with an exceptionally sensitive nose as mine.

We walked along the canal to the forest. It turned out to be pretty busy, a lot of humans and dogs were walking there. I am a bit cautious in the forest, because sometimes I encounter bad mannered dogs in this place. So when I sense another dog, I stop and smell the air:

Winter walk 1

Gladly, there were only well mannered dogs today (for instance my friend Juna). So we got on and enjoyed the walk. It is a very pretty place:

Winter walk 2

We walked on and gradually the forest got thinner and the sandy dunes appeared. This is a nice place, because one can see very far:

Winter walk 3

After enjoying the view we walked on to the beach. I love the beach. When I get onto the beach I run:

Winter walk 4

I run very fast:

Winter walk 5

There were a lot of dogs to run and play with, which was nice. I really enjoy doing that, I like it best when I can fetch their balls. I always get there first, you know, because I am the fastest dog on the beach:

Winter walk 6

I ran and ran and fetched balls and then we walked through the forest back to our home. It was great fun. When we got home, I went upstairs to my favorite chair and look: the sun was shining directly on it! Very nice. I will sleep the rest of the day and wake up when M has my dinner ready.

Winter walk 7

 

 

 

 

 

My cargobike

Dutch people cycle a lot. They use their bikes for practically anything: going to work, to friends, to do some shopping. We have all sorts of bikes here, especially different kinds of cargobikes. Some humans bring their kids to school using a cargobike, others use them for groceries or their pets. Some do it all at once, they transport their stuff and kids and dog in one cargobike. Very cosy.

My cargobike

I am very fond of my cargobike. It is a solid one and it has a removable part on the front, so I can get in and out easily. I could jump in, of course, but M won’t have me do that. When we go out, I sometimes run next to the bike and sometimes I sit in it. Humans smile when they see me, M tells me it looks sweet. Sweet! Pfwah. These humans obviously do not know sitting in my cargobike is hard work.

I have to guard the bike. Check that our route is safe. There might be other bikes or cars that could be a danger. We might meet bad mannered dogs that try to attack us. We might hit a pigeon flying too low (I hope this will happen one day). Or a dangerous cat, crossing the road. I see all kinds of dangers looming around the next corner. M does not notice this, she is biking at leisure. That is good, it is the way it is supposed to be. She should be relaxed and have no worries, because I am guarding her. I am a ferocious guarding dog! So how can humans think I look sweet, sitting in this bike? I think I have a problem with my image. I’ll ask my personal trainer what to do about it.

Hair extensions

Yesterday we met an extraordinary dog breed. There were four of them, on the beach. Their human told M they are Salukis, a very old hunting dog breed from Arabia. I played with the youngest one of them and he was as fast as I am. We looked alike, having the same physique. That is no surprise to me, because I am sure I descend from a line of noble, ancient hunting dogs. My grandmother could very well have been a Saluki.

There are no pictures of us playing on the beach, alas, because it  was a bit dark already. But M managed to find a picture of this breed on the internet (and no, they are not skinny, they are just right!):

Saluki_895534.jpg (1200×1062)

I think they look absolutely gorgeous. I especially like their ears. I am a pretty dog myself, but I would like to have ears like that. So I decided what to ask for a present, this Christmas. Not a bed (I already have loads of them), not food (they will probably give that to me, anyway), nor toys (I destroy them in seconds). I will ask hair extensions! For my ears! That would be so pretty.