Silly

Fred caught a duck! He just told me. He was walking along a canal and suddenly saw some fat ducks sitting beside the water. Fred can be very quick and he was on them before they knew it. He caught one duck by the leg and happily brought it to his human.

Then something strange happened. His human got really angry and told him to drop it. Fred did, bewildered by this reaction and presuming his human wanted it for himself. That is why he brought it in the first place. But his human told Fred he was a bad dog and let the duck get away!

Fred and I are really puzzled by this behavior. Because after the incident with the duck, his human went to a shop and bought meat. I mean: why would you do that? Rudely deny a tasty duck that is delivered to you by your loving dog and then go and buy meat because you want to eat it for dinner? Humans can be very, very silly.

 

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Camouflage cat

On my late afternoon round we usually walk the same route. I get quite excited when we enter a certain street, because there is a cat living there. It is a particularly nasty one: she is very lazy and always gossiping about her human.

Unfortunately M keeps me on a leash on this walk, so I can’t catch the cat. But I always bark and growl to her and she scolds back – I won’t write what names she calls me, I suspect Wordpress will delete them as being inappropriate. But believe me, they are gruesome.

Yesterday it was very quiet in the street. I was on the lookout for her, but I did not smell her. It turned out she was hiding from me. Like a camouflage cat! But she did not mislead me, of course not. She may be as dark as the earth, I spotted her immediately. She was so lazy she didn’t even scold me. Which (frankly) was a disappointment…. because, you know, she teaches me new words I can use when I encounter very nasty dogs.

Camouflage cat

 

A walk every day

When I get bored, I do some websurfing. I like sites about cats and rabbits and dogs and food.  I notice that on dog websites humans ask a lot of stupid questions about dogs. One of them: do dogs need to walk every day?

Do humans like to be locked up in a house or garden all day long? Of course not. Neither do we. Dogs have a lot of energy and we need our exercise. Running around in the same yard every day is not enough, because it is boring. We dogs like to sniff around and do our own research, outside the fences of a yard:

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I get a lot of exercise, about two hours every day (M tells me). When I wake up, we go outside for a short time. Just to smell the day. Then during the morning or the early afternoon we go for a long walk, for an hour or two. We go to the forest or the beach or both.  In the late afternoon we do a quick round before I get my dinner. And before bed, we go out again.

It depends on the kind of dog what exercise is needed. My friend Zuid for instance doesn’t run much, but she likes to do her slow round through the forest, sniffing here and there. Other dogs need to run for at least one hour every day, or dig holes (or both). The needs are different, but every dog needs exercise. Even tiny ones like Bichons or Malteses – they won’t fetch balls for you for two hours on end, but they do need to go outside and walk and play.

So what if you’d love to have a dog, but can’t give her a lot of exercise? Buy a cat. Or, and this is a good solution for human and dog: adopt an old dog. Old dogs also need exercise, but they are happy with a few lazy-just-sniffing-around walks a day. The rest of the day they can sleep next to you, on your sofa. Where to find an older dog? That is easy: in a shelter. Or through a foundation.

Dogs need exercise every day, but, you know: humans do, too. Some of them have forgotten this, they stay in their house / car / office all day. That is why they become so fat and depressed. The solution is simple: go out and exercise! Then you will get a beautiful muscular body, just like me. Who wouldn’t want that?

Guarding the beach

I had a great day, yesterday. We walked my favorite route: along the canal, through the forest to the dunes and then to the beach. M and P had a coffee at their favorite beach club and I enjoyed the view. And did some guarding, of course. That was easy, because as you can see it was very quiet:

Guarding the beach

After the coffee we returned home, through the dunes and the forest and the canal, again. There I met my friend the labradoodle (I will post her picture another time) and we ran around for some while – I love her furry coat, it is great for biting! She does this doggy dancing training, which I find hilarious. I tease her a lot about this, she gets really pissed and chases after me, haha!

Anyway, after all this walking and running I was really tired, so I slept for the rest of the afternoon. Nice.

Cats: the real story

There are a lot of blogs about cats. Written by cat lovers, not by cats themselves, of course not. Cats are way to lazy to do anything, even blogging is too much work for them.

I notice that cat lovers write a lot of nice stuff about cats: how cute they are, how mysterious, how wise. Well, I’ll help you out a bit here, because you are misled. You may think your cat likes you and thinks deep thoughts all day, but the truth is: they are not. In real life, they complain and gossip about their humans, all day long.

We dogs know, because we understand cat language. That is why we don’t like cats (okay, it is one of the reasons) – it makes you depressed, just listening to them. Cats complain about their food (it is not tasty / never enough), their bed (it is not soft enough, it is too warm / cold / in the wrong place) and most of all: their human. If you think your cat is looking at you in a mysterious way, it is actually laughing you in the face. I never met a cat who liked her human. I have to admit that some dogs can overdo it, all this tail wagging and jumping up and down whenever they see their human, but cats are the ultra opposite. They are prissy, perky and some of them are downright malignant. The stories they tell about you are horrible! Like the stories in the tabloids, but much, much worse.

So, cat lovers: don’t let me stop you from posting all this tasty blogs and pictures of cats. I do like to read them. But at least you are warned, because now you know the real story.

Home alone

This afternoon I am home alone. M and P are out, something to do with what they call working. I don’t know what they are doing, but I am fine with it, because they always return.

When I am home alone I usually lie in the chair on the second floor, from where I can oversee my street. It is a good spot for guarding. But today I don’t feel like guarding. This is one of these days when I am sooooooo sleepy. Do you ever have this? I just lie down and snooze all afternoon. I hope I’ll have some nice dreams.

So sleepy

 

 

Skinny, me?

It happened again, this morning: someone commented to M about me being too skinny. These people act as if they ask a question (‘Oooh, your dog is beautiful but why is she so skinny?’) but actually they mean: ‘Your dog is too skinny, you should give her more food!’ You can’t fool dogs, you know: no matter how nice the words you choose, we can smell what you really think.

I never object to more food, of course. But seriously, these people start to annoy me very much. Because I am not too skinny, I am just right. This is the body shape that suits me. I know from experience, because if I do eat a lot I grow a nice little soft belly, but my ribs still stick out.

I also don’t like these people commenting, because M gets upset about it. This is something that puzzles me about humans: the way they open themselves up to other humans, even if they don’t know them. If a dog I don’t know barks to me in the street I am a no good Greek stray, I just bark back he is an asshole. I don’t care about that and I don’t think about it anymore (other than my friend Fred, but hey, he is a sensitive whippet). But if a total stranger tells M she is neglecting me, she is sad. Even if it is not true and the people telling her this are always too fat themselves, as are their dogs. Truly! Next time someone tells her this, I will bite them. And growl: ‘Yes I am hungry and you look fat and juicy so I’ll eat you and your obese dog!’ That will teach them and make M very happy.