No shit

Today I’d like to share with you something that is very close to me. As a dog, I put a lot of time and effort in it. I am proud to show you a fine specimen of this product, I made just a few hours ago:

A fine specimen of shit

But there is one thing that confuses me. M does not seem to appreciate the work I put into this. When I am busy marking the territory around it, to show other dogs where they can find my sublime creation, she is already putting a plastic bag over it. At first, I thought she wanted to keep it, or put it in a place where it gets more attention. But she walks to a garbage bin and throws it away!

I am so embarrassed by this. I mean: doesn’t she know how much effort it takes to make something this beautiful?

Sometimes I really do not understand humans.

New herring

There are certain things that make living in Holland absolutely great. This is one of them:

Herring

It is a herring. A new herring, to be precise: the season has just started! The Dutch make quite a happening of this, especially in The Hague where I live. On Vlaggetjesdag they celebrate the opening of the season, when the newly caught raw herring is brought in.

The Dutch have a special way of eating their herring. They hold it on its tail, in the air, and slowly lower the fish into their mouth. I am becoming more Dutch every day, so I eat it the way the Dutch do. Like this:

Eating herring the Dutch way

Thank you, Zee op Tafel! It tastes de-li-cious. You should try it, when you visit Holland!

Managing rude dogs

Everyone with a good looking, muscular body can tell you you have to maintain it. So do I. It takes a lot of training to get a body like this, I can tell you. We train every day. Usually, we start here:

Grassy walk

It is near a canal and has lots of lovely smells: mice living in the grass, dead fish that lie on the shore and duck shit. One day I even found a pile of little white buns!!! I had to be quick then, because I know from earlier experience that M does not want me to eat this. Of course I outwitted her and managed to eat at least three buns before she chased me away.

After our warming up at the canal, we go to the forest. This is it:

Forest also

It is pretty, hey? There are lots of dogs there, usually, to play with. There are some mean dogs too, which I avoid. Sometimes avoiding is better than fighting, you know. Especially if they are bigger than you. Managing mean dogs is very easy, I’ll tell you how to do it. When a mean dog approaches you (head low, staring at you, backhairs standing up, sometimes even growling already – all very nasty and unmannerly) you act as if there is something very interesting next to you. You stop, turn and start sniffing. This means you are not looking at the rude dog anymore, which always takes him by surprise. Then you walk on in an airy way, sniffing here and there, still not looking at the ill-mannered dog, until you are past him. Then you turn around, laugh him in the face and run as fast as you can.

By the way: this method only works when you are a fast dog. Otherwise just keep on walking and sniffing and ignoring the rude dog, until you don’t see him anymore. Then start gossiping and post his picture on Twitter. Or, better: enlist him and his boss in a Cesar Millan training. That will teach them!

When M is busy, we go home after our walk in the forest. Sometimes, when we have more time, we walk on to the beach. This is it:

Beach

It is great. I like it even more than the forest, because I can run really fast here. Sometimes there are little crabs for eating. Usually there are a lot of other dogs, so I can fetch their balls and invite them to play with me.

After two hours or so (I know, because M tells me) we go home. I get a nice little doggy snack, a big gulp of water and I can sleep for the rest of the afternoon. Life is good.

 

Meet Boet

Some dogs can do it all. Guarding, hunting and digging holes. I am one of those dogs and so is Boet. Boet is my friend. When she was little, she looked almost as cute as I did:

Boet as a puppy

Now she is a bit older and her blue eyes turned brown, but she is still gorgeous:

Boet

Nice smile, hey? Her breed, the Frisian Stabij, originates from the north of The Netherlands and had to do everything: guarding and hunting. We both love to fetch balls and we both are clever and independent. Come to think of it: maybe she has royal roots, too. Of some ancient Frisian line? I’ll ask her, next time I see her.

Breakfast

I had a wonderful weekend. We went to the beach every day, I chased seagulls and balls and I slept in the sun. And I had a splendid breakfast at the beachclub. I am not very picky when it comes to my breakfast, but I can tell you: this was top.

Breakfast

It was not just for me, I have to be honest about this. I had to share it with M and P, my other boss. I am living with M and P, did I mention this before? Anyway, the breakfast was smelling great and I thought it was for me, but one can never be sure (M likes food so much she sometimes forgets to share). So I used my Method™. I am very successful in this. And since I am a social dog, I will share it with you, for FREE. So you can benefit from it too, next time your human is eating something great.

This is the Method™:

Method cropped.jpg

Sometimes you have to do this for a long time before your human gets the idea, but dogs don’t mind. Humans have watches, dogs have time, right? I will summarize the Method™, so you can learn it by heart:

  • Put your head on your human’s leg (when he/she is sitting, otherwise it won’t work);
  • Give him/her your sweetest look. This look should tell him/her two things: you are the best boss in the world & I will die from hunger if you won’t give me what you are eating;
  • Never give up.

Just try it, it always works.

 

Totems

I just received a very cool picture of me and my friends. It was made some time ago, by Nicoline, my personal trainer. You know, the Dutch Dog Whisperer I told you about earlier.

Friends

In this picture, you see my friends and Nicoline’s own dog, Fiesta. She is the shepherd dog on the left. Fiesta is no longer with us, at least, not in her old, physical form. Humans don’t seem to notice, but we dogs do – of course! Our senses are so much better. If your deceased dog was truly your friend, he or she is still with you, looking after you. If you weren’t good to your dog, he probably is with you too and causing you a lot of distress. In case you are wondering where the hell all this misery is coming from all of sudden – now you know why!

Fiesta was a grand dog and she really loved Nicoline. And vice versa. I think she will do some good things to Nicoline in the coming years. Like… making her win the biggest price in a contest (a living rabbit!) and having the sun shining when she goes out. Important things like that.

Me and Fiesta did not get along very well, I must admit. She was the alpha bitch of the pack. Of course I challenged her, I am not a very shy dog, you know. But she gave me a hard time. I did manage to sleep in her bed once, oh sweet victory. But my successes with her were, well, limited.

Anyway, I won’t challenge her now. Not anymore. You cannot challenge totems, in case you didn’t know.